Allow Kids to Be Kids
Sometimes we’re overbearing when it comes to teaching our kids the right choices to make. Here’s what we must do to get out of our own way.
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”
— C. JoyBell C. is the most frequently quoted Author on Goodreads, is a leading female Thinker and Writer in our world today, and is a Mentor to many modern-day Leaders, as well as an Inspirational Figure to people from all walks of life.
The hardest part of parenting is allowing kids to be kids. This may sound crazy but it’s the thinnest line that we as parents straddle everyday of our lives. Why is this so hard? I’ll tell you why: it’s because we want our kids to be perfect little angels and we don’t want them to seek trouble.
But let me ask you something: were you a perfect little angel that didn’t seem any trouble? I highly doubt it.
As kids we seek EVERYTHING. As kids, we’re curious to learn things and you can’t blame kids for wanting to learn.
You see, as an adult, you already have a wealth of knowledge that you’ve acquired from your experience. EXPERIENCE. That means you had to do something to acquire the knowledge you have today. Which means at some point you had to touch the hot stove even though your parents told you not to and told you it was hot.
You had to experience it for yourself to have the memory of what a hot stove felt like. You were curious.
So how does this relate to parents allowing their kids to be kids?
Understand the Importance of Experience Over Lectures
You can tell your kids about avoiding a situation until you’re blue in the face but the fact remains that they must experience for themselves. Experience is essential to their growth when it comes to making the proper decision. Your teaching is the prerequisite to their experience.
It’s very hard for us as adults to tell our kids something and then see them fall down the same pothole that we worked so hard to help them avoid. The fact remains that they must experience the hardships on their own to get a better understanding of how they should respond. Key word: they.
You can’t tell your kid what you would do and then get mad when they experience a hardship and do what they want to do. It’s not about relocating your actions, it’s about helping them find their comfort level using their actions.
Kids Must Find Out Who They Are (Find Their Groove)
This leads me to the importance of helping kids find their groove. I help entrepreneurs find their groove by understanding their strengths. This is easy. It’s all about what are you naturally good at doing. Some people are excellent communicators. Some are fantastic problem solvers and many other people have excellent attributes in specific areas.
It’s about finding what you’re child is naturally good at doing and helping them to use that to their advantage IN LIFE.
As a culture, we focus too much on what we lack and why we’re not “good enough.” The one question I used to despise in interviews was tell me your strengths and weaknesses. Why? I have no weaknesses because I refuse to focus on them. Most people focus on their weaknesses and try to strengthen them as if they’ll become some superhero perfect person of all strengths.
You’re wasting your time. Don’t teach your child in this manner, teach them to focus on their strengths and get crazy good at them. They will eventually get so good at their strengths that they’ll be known simply for what they can do as opposed to what they can’t do.
We Can’t Control Their Every Move
Sometimes we as parents want to control every move under the sun. We want to be in our kids lives and see every move they make. This can be very challenging as kids grow older into teenagers.
Allow your kids to experience as many things as they possibly can. One thing you must remember is that your kid should have a solid foundation of what you expect from them once they’re teenagers. This is incredibly challenging because we know that teenagers do much of their own experimenting and more so with things that are dangerous as opposed to things that are constructive.
The best way to go about this is to constantly give chances to increase the boundaries and limitations. Giving them incentive based opportunities to open new possibilities for them to become successful. At the end of the day, it’s all about your kids winning the day. PERIOD.
The best way to help kids win the day is to help them with their strengths. Helping them understand what they’re naturally good at doing and helping them exploit that. If your child is a social butterfly and always gets in trouble at school, that’s not a chance to tell him or her to shut up.
It’s a time to help them understand that they’re strength is communication. Give them incentives to meet the right friends and network with the right people. Get them used to taking to their teachers to breed confidence to talking to adults. In the same instance, also helping them to understand when to talk and when to zip it.
My son Trey is a carbon copy of me. He loves to interact with people. I tell him and his sister to meet one new person everyday when they go off to school. The purpose of that is to increase their strength when it comes to communicating and meeting new people outside of their comfort zone.
Since Trey is so good at communicating, he often gets into trouble. It’s not a punishable moment, it’s a teaching moment. Respect the teacher but work on your communication during lunch, recess, free time, the walk to school, group activities, etc.
Allow kids to be kids. They’re learning everything for the first time. They don’t understand how the world works so they need to learn it on their own. They need to experience it for themselves.
Allow your child to experience his or her own trial and tribulations. They’ll be a better person with your knowledge and their own experience.
Fred is currently putting together a program for students of all ages. This revolutionary program helps kids of all ages maximize and focus on their strengths to improve confidence and mindset in areas that need improvement. The philosophy of the #1 Mindset which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents. We’re all made on purpose for a purpose and our purpose lies in our strengths.
Be watchful for two programs that :
Go to https://www.therealfredlee.com/ for more information on these two programs!
Fred is a proud married father of four beautiful children. He’s worked in the school district for over a decade and has extensive knowledge on student behavior in the regular and special education sectors. Fred Blumenberg is a #1 Entrepreneur Mindset Coach who gets entrepreneurs to hyper-focus on monetizing their strengths to achieve greatness.
All articles on Medium.com will be towards helping parents who adopt the philosophy of the #1 Mindset — which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents.
Contact Fred Blumenberg today by chatting with him via the website:https://www.therealfredlee.com/