Don’t You Wish You Could Know What Your Child is Thinking?

We all wish we had these kinds of superpowers but what if I told you that you already did?

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. Its not.”

— Dr. Seuss, Theodor Seuss Geisel was an American author, political cartoonist, poet, animator, book publisher, and artist, best known for authoring more than 60 children’s books under the pen name Doctor Seuss.

Have you ever had that moment when you’ve asked your kid what’s going on in that head of yours? What were you thinking? I don’t know about you but I’ve asked this very question to my kids on everyday.

We as adults are always perplexed by our kids thought process but one of the things we have to remember is that we have a few decades of experience on them. So how are we able to relate to their thinking and be teaching in the same moment?

Here are a few tips in helping to understand your kids and their situations.

Handling Your Kid’s “End of the World” Problems

As adults, we often want to say and might say to our kids, your situation is not that serious. It’s not the end of the world. Now while it isn’t the end of the world to us, to them it is. This rings big time truth with teenagers. There are many teens that experience love for the first time while they’re in middle school or in high school. We as parents have a tendency to downplay their love by calling it puppy love. I get it. We’ve all been there before. We’ve all had a first love that we were over-the-top for to only get our hearts crushed a few weeks later.

It’s almost like we look at our young teens that are in love and we wait until reality hits them in the head. The reality is that they will date many people before they find someone who’s compatible to marry.

Many people.

So how do we convey this message to young people who get their hearts broken by ‘The One.’ Well first, it’s important to validate their feelings. They’re world is crushed by their first love and they don’t know how to handle that kind of rejection and devastation. They’ve invested all of their love and feelings into this one person and they’ve received a state of euphoria. But the break-up means heartbreak in the end.

Always be willing to talk it out with your kids.

If they’re unwilling to tell you any details about their heartbreak, then tell them about an embarrassing heartbreak that you experienced when you were their age.

But don’t explain your story as if you overcame with no problems. Put yourself in their shoes and understand exactly how they’re feeling at the moment.

One of the most important things I’ve mentioned to people in this situation is to focus more on improving themselves as opposed to wondering what’s wrong with them. This is a good time for them to get back to what makes them happy or what creates excitement for them. Often times young kids find someone they love and give them their all and their everything and forget to love themselves first. This is one of the main lessons of heartbreak. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

We as parents should use these times as a teaching moment to help them through (what may seem like the end of the world crisis) and guide them through the process of healing that’s understandable to them and not understandable to us. Why do I say it in that manner?

Because often times we look at things 20 years ahead of them and we can see what will happen. We’ve lived more life. We have more experience. So we can often sound like know-it-alls when it comes to helping them through their crisis.

This is why it’s always good to have someone else your kids can talk to. And that leads into my next point.

Use the Village to Raise Your Child

Most parents these days try to be super parents. As if there’s a Parent Hall of Fame that they will one day be enshrined to. Seriously. Stop taking on all of this responsibility and start letting other people raise your kids. That’s right, you heard me. Allow other voices to have influence on your kids.

Listen to what I’m about to say because this is important.

The Village is a group of parents, teachers, friends, family, mentors, church goers, etc who are an extension of you.

They are the same people that you can rely on in the time of need. These are people that you can trust with your kids any day of the week.

Allow these people to be additional coaches to help them in their lives. Yes coaches. Why do I use the term coach? Well, it’s simple. I’m a guy who compares a lot of things to sports so let me break this down. A NFL football team has a bevy of coaches for their players to keep all 53 men on the same page at all times. The ultimate is the head coach. He’s the guy with the final say. He has one message in how the team approaches every game, every practice and how they should conduct themselves in life as an extension of the team. The head coach is comparable to the parents. The parents always have the final say and have a set of expectations that their kids should follow.

The head coach also has assistant coaches. One for offense and one for defense. This can be compared to extended family members. Aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas, etc. Oh but it doesn’t stop there. The team also has position coaches. This is for a particular position for each player on the football field. So Tom Brady has a bevy of coaches that help make him great:

• Bill Belichick — Head Coach
• Josh McDaniels — Offensive Coach and Quarterbacks Coach
• Jerry Schuplinski — Assistant Quarterbacks Coach
• Moses Cabrera — Head Strength and Conditioning Coach
• James Hardy — Assistant Head Strength and Conditioning Coach

Yes. All of those coaches are involved in Tom Brady’s greatness. And we’re not even including the training staff. What’s the point of that? Use The Village that you have at your disposal to talk to your kids. You as the “head coach” can only say so many words. You need your assistant to extend your message to them. They can say it in a different delivery. They’re also not so attached to your kids. They won’t judge them as harshly and they will be an additional person to provide assistance when you can’t be there for them.

Bill Belichick can’t be everywhere with Tom Brady. He has to rely on his assistant coaches to help extend his message. Be willing to rely on others to extend your message to your kids. It’ll take a load off of you to be The Perfect Parent.

Understand That You Were Once Their Age Too

As parents, we forget that we were the ones making those stupid mistakes. We were the ones playing the pranks that were getting us suspended. We were the ones doing stupid things to impress the cool kids and we were once breaking the rules to fit in.

All of this is a part of growing up and finding out who you are. As a kid, I wanted to be like my dad in every way. I remember he wore this cologne called Grey Flannel by Geoffrey Beene. I loved the smell. As a kid, I’d sneak into his bathroom and spray some on and try to be like him in every way. He also was a heavy smoker. So one day in middle school, one of the kids stole his dad’s cigarettes and was smoking it on the playground. Needless to say, I jumped right in because I wanted to be like my dad.

But as I got older, I started seeking activities that my parents would never engage into.

It was silly stuff like my mom always buying Tide to wash our clothes, so I’d buy Cheer detergent to wash mine. I no longer wanted Geoffrey Beene cologne, I was buying every different kind of cologne bottle under the sun. I think I purchased almost $500 worth of cologne one Summer. Silliness.

Conclusion

Sometimes us parents forget that there will be a time period where our kids will think we’re awesome and then they’ll want to seek their own awesomeness. And in seeking their own awesomeness, they’ll also commit a lot of senseless mistakes.

It’s all a part of them finding their own identity. The funny part is that no matter how hard I tried to not be like my Dad, I ended up like my Dad. Funny how that works. Allow your kids to seek their own avenues to find their identity. But most importantly, use The Village to extend your message to your kids. Just like Tom Brady needs different coaches to extend Bill Belichick’s message, your kids need different influential adults to extend your message.

#1Mindset

Fred Blumenberg

Fred is currently putting together a program for students of all ages. This revolutionary program helps kids of all ages maximize and focus on their strengths to improve confidence and mindset in areas that need improvement. The philosophy of the #1 Mindset which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents. We’re all made on purpose for a purpose and our purpose lies in our strengths.

Be watchful for two programs that :

#1 MINDSET STUDENT COACHING (for 12–18 year olds)

#1 MINDSET COACHING FOR KIDS (for kids 1–11 years old)

Go to https://www.therealfredlee.com/ for more information on these two programs!

Fred is a proud married father of four beautiful children. He’s worked in the school district for over a decade and has extensive knowledge on student behavior in the regular and special education sectors. Fred Blumenberg is a #1 Entrepreneur Mindset Coach who gets entrepreneurs to hyper-focus on monetizing their strengths to achieve greatness.

All articles on Medium.com will be towards helping parents who adopt the philosophy of the #1 Mindset — which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents.

Contact Fred Blumenberg today by chatting with him via the website: https://www.therealfredlee.com/

“A closed mindset will never enjoy a happy life.”

— Fred Blumenberg