How to Help Your Kids Be Okay with Being Unpopular

Kids want to be in the ‘In-Crowd’ — we all do. But how do you build their confidence when they’re on the “outside” looking in?

Coach Fred Blumenberg
4 min readJun 6, 2019

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.”

― Steve Jobs was an American business magnate and investor. He was the chairman, chief executive officer, and co-founder of Apple Inc.

One of the biggest reasons why we as adults seek approval from others is because we want to feel like we belong. We want to be accepted in the group without any friction.

This actually starts when you’re a baby. I have four kids and they’re constantly saying, look at me daddy!! Look, look, LOOK!!

They want my approval. They want to know that I’m paying attention to them at every moment and that I approve of what they’re doing as being good.

My family has created a daily vlog called Be Authentic Family where we get to bring you into our lives and show you how crazy it can get in the Blumenberg household. Why do I tell you this?

Because there are many moments when kids are fighting for camera time and attention every time I pull out my camera to record something. It’s gotten to the point where I try to record them discreetly but that’s damn near impossible.

So how does that tie into kids wanting to be popular as they get older?

As kids get older, they’re searching for their own identity. But in that process, they’re also finding out who seems to get more attention from others at their school.

This can be extremely challenging as they get older. Especially when you involve bullying and social media to the mix. It’s essentially a cocktail for disaster.

So how do we teach kids to be cool in their own skin?


Confidence is an invisible fragrance that EVERYONE wishes they could have forever.

Three ways to increase a kids confidence:

STOP competing with others and START competing with yourself. Know your self-worth. This is incredibly challenging but it’s an obvious reason why young kids start this nothin that you have to be, act and look a certain way to fit the “cool” mode.

What they fail to see or realize is that the popular kids are most likely getting by based on looks and skills but no real sense of self or self-worth. Especially since their self-worth is defined by how many people like them.

Self-worth comes from understanding who you are and the intangibles that you bring to the table.

In high school, I was goofy and energetic. I liked to tell jokes and have fun. I didn’t have a strong sense of self-worth. In fact, it took me many years to be confident in myself before I could finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

Help them hone the skill that they’re freaking amazing at doing. My son likes to draw. He also likes to be silly, dance, play sports and he’s a social butterfly. I’ve told him to use his social skills to meet as many new friends as he possibly can.

My words to him and Ellie before they leave for school is to, “meet a new friend today.”

It boosts his confidence when he can get outside his comfort zone to meet someone new because it’s his natural skill. Not much effort. All he had to do was just do it.

Teach your kids to have thick skin. This is my favorite part of instilling confidence. I’ve told my kids that everyone speaks in code. I call it, Code Talk.

Most kids are spiteful because they wish they had what other kids have. However, that child isn’t going to say, hey, I really like your nice clothes. I wish my parents could afford to buy me nice clothes like yours. I’m envious of you.


Most likely, there will be some form of bullying or put downs and posturing involved. We called it Smack Talk or Trash Talk, back in the day.

Code Talk. People who say one thing to deflect attention from what’s really bothering them.

I teach my son the meaning of what people really mean to say and the difference between what they said and why they said it.

My kids aren’t perfect. They have their own flaws and insecurities but for the most part, they aren’t too concerned with being popular.

However, I was once a kid, so I know how this story can play out. The key to keeping them from going to The Dark Side of wanting to be popular is to make sure that you’re constantly giving them love, praise and attention.

Because what’s most important to a child is that they get your approval and your blessings FIRST. If they don’t, they’ll constantly be seeking it from others.


Fred Blumenberg

Fred is a proud married father of four beautiful children. He’s worked in the school district for over a decade and has extensive knowledge on student behavior in the regular and special education sectors. Fred Blumenberg is a #1 Entrepreneur Mindset Coach who gets entrepreneurs to hyper-focus on monetizing their strengths to achieve greatness.

All articles on will be towards helping parents who adopt the philosophy of the #1 Mindset — which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents.

Contact Fred Blumenberg today by chatting with him via the website:



Coach Fred Blumenberg

Married 🧔🏽👱🏼‍♀️ 4 kids🧑🏼‍🦱👧🏽👧🏼🧒🏽 Positive 💙 Medium is where I help parents stay positive! 💙 Get into my private FB group 🔐