Our Kids Are Not Us
We must remember this when it comes to letting our kids live their lives by learning on their own.
“Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuits.”
— Robert Breault, is an American operatic tenor.
As a dad of four kids, I could easily live vicariously through one of my kids if I chose to. But here’s the deal. It’s their lives. I have to guide them through their journey and allow them to make their own mistakes.
This is an extremely challenging thing to do on all fronts.
First off, I don’t have teenagers (yet) but I can tell you that sometimes it can be extremely challenging to not let them make their mistakes on their own.
But as parents there are a few things that we must understand when it comes to our children living their own lives.
They Have To Make The Mistakes
A few months ago, I had to let my 7 and 9 year old kids walk to school. I just couldn’t take them to school AND take care of the two baby girls at home AND get work done for my business. It just wasn’t possible. I was literally going insane.
The school is a half mile from our house and it’s a popular walkway that everyone takes to school. But my mother in law and her mother (Michelle’s grandmother) were fearful of all of the bad things that could happen. Little did they know, I had taken Trey and Ellie on this walk a good number of times with them to school long before I sent them on their merry way.
The mother in law and the grandmother had fears of things that were perceived to maybe woulda coulda shoulda happened. But as a parent, I knew that my kids had to experience walking to school on their own. Something that I did when I was young. In fact, I walked a mile to school. No there’s no exaggeration and I didn’t walk uphill both ways but it was a great learning experience for me. It taught me a lot about the world and people and being more aware of my surroundings.
My kids walk to school today like pros. But they had to get out their and learn and make their way first without my constant hand holding.
Remember, … You Too Did That
I was speaking with a parent about their teenager who will be entering eighth grade next year. He’s experiencing what all young boys are experiencing. Puberty. The hormones, the girls, the testosterone. So when the mom mentioned that he was becoming more sexually active or was intrigued, I mentioned to her that we all were like that at his age. Some earlier than that.
The fear is that we know how bad we were and we can give the warnings 25 plus years in advance. But sometimes we forget that we were young and dumb at one point. That we thought we knew everything but we knew nothing.
The kids of today are far more advanced than we were back in the day. They have many more things at their disposal. I always said that if I had an iPhone when I was in high school, I don’t know how many times I’d be sexting and sending and receiving naked photos and such.
Oh don’t look at me with that judgmental look, you as parents would’ve done the same thing. This high powered device that could connect me across the world in seconds? I’d be in immense trouble.
Anyway, I mentioned to the parent that she must talk to him about his feelings, emotions, girls and sex. YES. Take it there. You better as a parent take it there. If you don’t, Google, YouTube, Wikipedia and any other social media will take care of that for you.
You want to have these talks with your kids long before the internet does.
You need to validate the truth before the internet does. This is important. Why? Because you need to validate the truth before they find out on their own. Because they WILL find out on their own.
Just like you did when you were their age.
As parents we must be willing to let our kids experience things on their own but be sure to give them real life advice when it comes to what they’ll experience. We won’t be able to stop them from making every mistake that we made. That’s not the point. The point is for them to learn from their own mistakes and create their own experiences.
Fred is currently putting together a program for students of all ages. This revolutionary program helps kids of all ages maximize and focus on their strengths to improve confidence and mindset in areas that need improvement. The philosophy of the #1 Mindset which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents. We’re all made on purpose for a purpose and our purpose lies in our strengths.
Be watchful for two programs that :
Go to https://www.therealfredlee.com/ for more information on these two programs!
Fred is a proud married father of four beautiful children. He’s worked in the school district for over a decade and has extensive knowledge on student behavior in the regular and special education sectors. Fred Blumenberg is a #1 Entrepreneur Mindset Coach who gets entrepreneurs to hyper-focus on monetizing their strengths to achieve greatness.
All articles on Medium.com will be towards helping parents who adopt the philosophy of the #1 Mindset — which is that no one’s made with weaknesses and there are no accidents.
Contact Fred Blumenberg today by chatting with him via the website:https://www.therealfredlee.com/